why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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