What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
