____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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