is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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