Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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