i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
