there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
