Can Purell be used as lube?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
