she looked like the before picture.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
