omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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