filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's get the cat blown out
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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