Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
