She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
