Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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