and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
