I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
