Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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