Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
