in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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