I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
