guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
