Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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