No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
