I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
