I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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