So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
