Someone shit on the floor
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
