After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
foreskin is a definite game changer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
