Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
