Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
