Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
