I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
