Taylor Swift is so right about you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
