if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.