I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.