Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.