i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.