Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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