Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
