college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
