You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize