I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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