seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
