operation have a gay friend backfired
only you would photoshop your dick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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