Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
