you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
