And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I came so hard my ears popped.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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