U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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