I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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