You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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