I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
