Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
