i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
