C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
