so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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