does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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