Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
soo... how was my night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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