I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
