I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I look better un-naked...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
