I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
