the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
