every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
