Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
