Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
