remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I did not marry a roomba.
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