dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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