Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
