My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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