You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
