First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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