I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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