Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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