She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
