he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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