Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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