so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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