Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
