just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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