The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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