Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
