just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
