rhymes with "ouble enetration"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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