i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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