dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
