They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
