i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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