i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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