At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction