Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
