I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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