can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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